So, midnight show of “Snow White & The Huntsman,” and the auditorium was stuffed. In the luckiest casting ever, it has Thor and Bella fighting the serial killer Aileen Wuornos from that movie with the little girl from the Adams Family – except this time the serial killer is hot and she is just as much of a monster, but now she is a Queen in fantasy-land too, with way better skin from her freaky, but also sexy, milk baths.
Thor is pretty good in this film but he traded in his hammer for a big ax and he never uses his lightning powers. He can still outfight anybody except the super-creepy brother of the serial-killer-way-evil Queen who made the audience so uncomfortable they giggled sometimes. Strange thing is, Hawkeye is in this too, disguised as a prince or something or, come to think of it, maybe it was Legolas. But this guy had all the cinema arrow hero tricks stuff down cold. I mean, he has definitely studied archery movies hardcore. Plus he is way brave and way defiant of his cautious and always wrong dad who talks a lot but never does anything. And he, the son, is also really handsome. I like girls but I could tell, because all the handsome guys shaved, but only a day or two before the film got made.
Serial-Killer Queen takes over the kingdom because, mostly, she hates kings and then locks the little princess in a tower. The super insecure hot Queen isn’t all bad though because despite claiming that she has wiped out tons of kingdoms before this one, and has killed thousands (and she might be being modest on that one point) she gives Bella really spiffy clothes to have in the tower, especially with those Walt Disney, Snow White puffy shoulders, which also makes her brave in a way because Bella is the only person who could threaten her evil Queening and she doesn’t just kill her to begin with. Continue reading “Film Friday: ‘Snow White & The Huntsman’ review”
